A gift for HSPs

A book for "The Highly Sensitive Person"!

Recently, I was recommended by Kindle a book, The Highly Sensitive Person. At first sight, I was not impressed with the book at all, but I think I should give it a try. And after reading the author’s note, I really think I should devour it and write something about this book.

A poem of mine inspired by Elaine Aron.

In this book, Elaine - the author, describes the four core characteristics of a sensitive person with the acronym DOES. 

D stands for Depth of processing. Meaning that a sensitive person will process information in depth. They will associate their problems in a comparative way, for example, they will automatically rewind their conversations with someone a day, a week, or even a few months ago. Then they start comparing, stringing events and thinking about what the other person's statement means, why the other person behaves the way he/she does. 

O or Overstimulation. Sensitive people are easily excited, enthusiastic, but also easily exhausted, stressed, easily overwhelmed emotionally, even unable to control their own emotions. For example, you don't like scallion, or don't want a coffee with too much ice, but if the waiter forgets your orders… the meal that day would have been so terrible. 

E stands for Emotional Responsiveness, which is an emotional response. HSPs are sensitive to the emotions of all people, regardless of whether they are close to them or not. They can notice that their classmate seems to be banging on the door a bit hard, he must be angry at someone, their coworker today doesn't talk much, there must be something happened to her or the neighbor posted a visceral story, then it must be a break-up. They can also burst into tears immediately when they just happen to come across a movie, a song or a story that is startlingly similar to their feelings for a long time; even when they argue, they can easily choke; being told harsh words, they want to burst into tears right away. 

S represents Sensory Sensitivity, sensitive people can perceive even the smallest details. They are very adept at noticing things that normally go unnoticed; they find it uncomfortable to hear the constant stomping of the people sitting next to them, the grinding of their teeth, the sound of their mouths chewing; or they might even wake up at 3 a.m. just because the clock is ticking… 

Sensitive people are often used to hearing responses like: 

“You seem to be too sensitive.”

“What's so stressful? , relax your facial muscles"

"Don't be so sensitive, everyone is just joking"

"And yet it makes you cry?"

Many people think that being too sensitive causes a lot of trouble, it means “being vulnerable and considered a curse to those who possess it”. 

Yes, being an HSP is exhausting, but it's even worse if you're crying over something "not worth crying", the words you get are always:

"Hold on, that's all, why cry?"

"Just for fun, just kidding, u r so crybaby"

"It's disgusting, I don't even bother to joke with people like you, Cry is your hobby, right?".

Let's motivate them!

The best thing you can do is let them know that everything is fine and that you respect their feelings. 

Sensitivity isn't all bad, it's a double-edged sword. Being sensitive would be a nuisance when you were only concerned with minor criticisms or conflicts. But it will be a gift of emotion if you know how to use it effectively. HSPs have very high self-awareness, superior emotional intelligence (EQ). They easily empathize and understand others. As an HSP, they tend to put themselves in other people's shoes to understand people's feelings and thoughts, which makes them more charming, more delicate in their handling of people, and sensitive with emotions and handle work more smoothly.

Being sensitive can make you easily sad, easy to feel sorry for yourself, but it can also help you heal yourself. Sometimes, simply watching a few drops of dew on the leaves, sitting by a quiet lake on a windy day, spreading your hands to catch the crisp sunshine of a beautiful day, or eating your favorite food on a cool day, ... can also fill your heart with happiness and peace. 

So, how to use sensitivity as a gift?

Take a look back at the 4 DOES characteristics above, observe, develop self-awareness based on those 4 pillars. 

First, in your own behavior, see in the same situation, how people react and how you react, where is the difference and if it causes any disadvantages for you, both you and the others. 

Second, look at your current problems, can you see if you are facing any emotional difficulties? Being sensitive means that you are capable of experiencing a wide range of emotions. It would be bad if you couldn't express those feelings. Remember, being sensitive is a very normal feature of how the body works. You shouldn't feel guilty just because your senses are sharp or certain areas of your cerebral cortex are more developed than most people. All you need to do is express your feelings in the right way. After all, more than 80% of the world's population is not sensitive. 

It would be really difficult for them to understand you if you kept your feelings, thoughts and concerns; If you don't express them clearly, how can you expect others to understand you? Give them a chance, there are still people out there willing to listen, share and love your sensitivity. 

She/he is a 10, but she/he is an HSP. So she/he is a ∞.